Dealing With Hypocrisy

I am a hypocrite.
Who I know I am, is not always who you think I am.
There is a gap.
A space between who you believe me to be…. and who I am.

Once a month I take twenty minutes out of my busy day to even out my chest and belly hairs with a fifty-dollar head trimmer. I like to call it “mowing the lawn”. I’m still pondering what to do with the brand new patch that’s beginning to grow on my back…

…Which leads me to a question that Ergun Caner (President of Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary) challenged me to ask myself.

How free am I?

How free am I? Do I live in a suffocating cycle, trying time and time again to show you who you want to see? Do I live trapped, studying and praising, writers, speakers, Hollywood celebrities, and musicians so that you may think I’ve got it all together? Men who fashion entire empires but Heaven does not know their names!
It would only prove to you that I am a hypocrite if I said “no”.
so I say…
I have no clue what I’m doing. I don’t write well. I shave places on my body that normal people don’t have to worry about. I simply smile at people who, everyday, drive me to the point of insanity. I often enjoy cleaning wax out of my ear. Ferrets still perplex me. I would permanently remove my left eyebrow to be a wolf for a day. Musicals get me excited. And I find shopping somewhat enjoyable.
Writers inspire me, speakers motivate me, and musicians propel me, but the blood of Jesus defines me.

Celebrities just annoy me.

I was once lost, blind, and chained to my own sin.
But the love of God and the blood of His son, JESUS, set me free.
I am free to embrace my personality. (Psalm 139:14)
I am free to experience God’s best. (Jeremiah 29)

But how do I deal with my own Hypocrisy in all of this?
I must bridge the gap between who you think I am and who I know I am.
How do I do that?
Transparency.

checkit.

No, it’s not Christmas… but this is hotttt!

I may need this…

… yep.

I’ve been doin’ a lot of this lately…

Pictures are fun.

Downtown L-Burg.

Dream, and I’ll slip away from this constant sound
So far above the ground
We’re reaching for the moon
A million miles of summer skies
This color scheme’s brand new
Tell me, does it feel that way to you?

Speak, and I’ll fall into a lovely ocean breeze
A better part of me
That believes in reaching for the moon
A glowing beam of endless dreams
What a view!
Tell me, does it feel that way to you?

Laugh, and I’ll catch the wind, sail to a fabled isle
Magic in matching smiles
Dreams unseen come true
The beach is white and shining bright
Even though clouds try creeping through

I knew, I knew, I knew it
Tell me, does it feel that way to you?

To be honest…

It’s soooooooper late and I’m feeling the need to be sooooooper honest with the four people that read my blog : )

This semester has taken its’ toll on me spiritually.
I find I’m struggling as the last 2 weeks of classes come barreling down upon my life.

The worst part: It’s begun to affect those closest to me.

Tonight I desperately searched for God in a way I had never experienced before.
As I flipped violently through the pages of God’s Word I began to lose hope.
I literally began losing my will to search for Him.
And then my fingers scrolled across the most comforting verse God could’ve placed in front of me…

“Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”
-Hebrews 10: 22-23

He who promised is faithful.
My God promises that he has a plan for me.

It’s time to embrace his calling.

“Whoever digs a pit may fall into it; whoever breaks through a wall may be bitten by a snake.  Whoever quarries stones may be injured by them; whoever splits logs may be endangered by them.”
Ecclesiastes 10:8-9

“Whoever digs a pit may fall into it”
Funny story.
Way back when my father was a young child his sister decided it would be funny to throw him in a hole she had dug the day before.  Pops sat in the dark abyss until Nana found him crying hours later.
Anyways…
I’m the kind of guy that tends to focus on the multitude of dumb stuff I’ve done and said, rather than the occasional things I’ve gotten right along the way.
But to be honest- we set ourselves up a lot don’t we? I know I do. No matter how many pits I fall in, I hop right out and dig another.

“Whoever breaks through a wall may be bitten by a snake”
Ok.
I HATE SNAKES…
… with a passion.
Earlier tonight one of my roommates randomly brought a snake into the dorm, claiming some girl at work didn’t want it anymore. Um. I personally believe he found the thing somewhere near the gates of hell and decided to bring it back simply to torment me. Yuck!
Anyways…
I don’t know about you but… I find myself tearing down walls more often than I build them up.  I’ve never been bitten by a snake for tearing a wall down, but I’ve hurt too many people in the process than I’d like to think about.

I could talk about how the stones I extract reveal more of my own stupidity or how the logs I split seem explode right in front of my face but… I think you get my point.
Tragically- I make a lot of stupid decisions!

I must make a conscious decision to follow God everyday. Often, I come up short but… I’ve found that when I seek his face… I find this:

“Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me”

Ever felt so numb that emotions completely lose their meaning?
You get some news that leaves you staring awkwardly at a blank wall?
Sadness. Joy.
Two emotions on completely different ends of the spectrum.
Yet, nothing between seems to describe the nothingness spreading from your head to your heart.
The loss for words finds it’s way to your prayer closet and leaves you speechless before God.
What is it that?
I don’t know.
BUT.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” –Romans 8:26

Groans that words cannot express.
Whoa.
The Message says that God’s Spirit makes prayer out of our wordless sighs and aching groans.

He knows us far better than we know ourselves.
Hope springs up within me because I know that when I am tired in the waiting, or lost in emotionless confusion, God’s Spirit knows my hearts cry.

Low tide, dreams of the summer sun
Brown eyes and city streets that need someone to run down their lanes and veins
Offering a new sound
New moon, time seems to disappear
Sand dunes and driveways make it easier to be here
The sights and sounds
Are welcoming in this new town

So many planes to fly
So many cars to drive
Bending lights put up a fight
But Ill fly and drive with you

Smooth tones, whispers in thunderstorms
Fireflies and windows opening to see this new view
It’s not too late
To see the pretty rainstorm
Glamour, Fashion and Magazines
Blank stares yielding to the beauty queen,
I bet she could never make my heart skip a beat
Like you do
Even here…

So many planes to fly
So many cars to drive
Bending lights put up a fight
But Ill fly and drive with you

Take a breath
Feel the fire in your lungs
Butterflies, it’s only just begun

So many planes to fly
So many cars to drive
Bending lights put up a fight
But Ill fly and drive with you